The Autonomous Mind

...and the list goes on. Never mind, such is life and work seems to shaft you 24/7. Isn't that lovely? I was just thinking about writing free-style and all. Apparently, a lot of people think this whole thing is a load of pretentious tripe! For fekk sake, who said it wasn't but it's almost (ALMOST!!) relaxing to go out there and just say stuff. I know, I know- that's why you have mates etc etc but all of that's different. See, in the corporate world, you see your friends every weekend- what the fuck do you do for the remaining 5 days in the middle? Bah, screw you tripe-screaming sinners! Judgement day will arrive and devour your souls with a feral hunger and all the while I shall cackle at you maniacally, not caring a rat's ass for your poorly situation!

Anyways, rant over. Had a very interesting conversation with a colleague today about racism and prejudice. I guess I have a variety of opinions on that which seem to be in a state of flux all the time- it's a case of becoming less ignorant and understanding more around me nowadays. But racism is something that's just so contradictory even at its best (relatively speaking of course). What scares me most is being objective nowadays- it's almost as if political correctness forces people to take sides and it's usually the side that "society" thinks is best and most just.

It's like this- I see people being killed in Iraq- we hardly bat an eyelid for the thousands of Iraqis who have died but we cry waterfalls for Ken Bigley. Now don't get me wrong- what happened to the guy was absolutely horrendous but if we're talking about core numbers here, there is no comparison with all the atrocities the US have committed compared to what the Iraqis have done. (No, I'm not a fanatic terrorist supporter, I'm *trying* to be objective) . Yeah I know it's a boring and utterly rabid topic now and people are fed up of it/it's gone out of fashion. Well stop reading if you think like that because you will get bored with this particular blog.

I refuse to blame it solely on the Americans or the Brits or utter that four-lettered obscenity beginning with B nor do I blame it solely on Osama or the extremists. I blame it on both parties involved in the war- the West for being so filled with avarice that they stopped at nothing to gain power and the east for not being able to control the extremist factions within their midst who went on bombing sprees towards the end of the last and start of this century. Why can't people just live and let live? Instead of spending billions on trying to stock-pile oil, why not spend that money figuring out newer and cleaner ways of generating power? Instead of killing thousands of innocents, why not try to gauge a situation and protest accordingly for your rights? One can at least see that the Muslim populous around the world have realised that they need to start taking more responsibility but what have the western governments done? Re-elect Howard in Australia so that he can keep his troops in Iraq (Latham promised to have them out in December)?

The world really is in tatters at the moment. I guess in my short life, I haven't yet come across so much uncertainty as to undermine the entire existence of goodness in this world....and Forking hell! 2 hours later I am still getting shafted at work! I'm off. Till tomorrow.

So the weekend has come to an end and I ponder upon the week to come while listening to the mellifluous sounds (I love being arty-farty) of Talvin Singh. Am I down 'cos I have to go to Leeds tomorrow morning (I've been doing this for well over a year now) or am is it the work? Who knows and personally I couldn't care less which one it is- it's just getting me down.

Hmm, anyways, the weekend was interesting enough. Friday night dinner was cool at the Chelsea Ram although started a little late (sorry Shak- cannot believe I missed your b'day dinner- will make it up to you matey). Food was unspectacular. Saturday night- got drunk- wasted in fact and threw up. I did feel ok Sunday morning but was it worth it? Ingesting and egesting through the wrong orifice- yuck! Today was cool- I did go to the gym (every day of this weekend in fact- wahey!) and then for Resident Evil Apocalypse, which I actually really enjoyed. So all in all a relatively fulfilling weekend.

Nevertheless, all idyllic lives such as mine above come with their stresses and strains. One of them has to be issues with the ex-girlfriend. I could swear I have a few extra grey hairs (or is the plural just hair?- fuck it) over all the palava. She says she'd have been better off had she never met me- fair enough- leave me alone then. I tell you, women and stress go hand in hand especially when the woman has a temper! I guess I feel a little fucked up. See, I think I've lost a lot of belief in my ability to handle relationships. People tell me that it's just co-incidental/the type of women I date/*insert some other random excuse* but the fact of the matter is, I personally don't believe I am ready for a steady or committed relationship. Yes, I know it's weird and strange and what not but that's the truth of it. I, right now, do not have what it takes to hold on to a girlfriend.

The reason for this? Three precious words- I DON'T KNOW! In fact, I don't have a fucking clue. Am I having too much of a laugh with my mates? Maybe but then why do I feel so lonely? Do I not have time? Quite possibly that- trying to fit too much into two days of the week when I'm in London. But I guess, at the end of the day, it all boils down to the right person. The right person hasn't come along and the wait goes on and on and on and ariston and on....

Ok I'm going to give up on this. It's so fucking depressing and the Sunday Night Blues can be heard worldwide at the moment. Talvin Singh's gone, here comes LTJ Bukem with some more ambient acid jazz! See y'all in the morning folks!

...by the aussies. Hammering the crap out of India at Cricket. I really don't want to care but I do. It is severely/agonisingly annoying. Quite sad, but how India does at cricket determines my mood for the (at best) entire day. It's a raging internal debate in my life- does Cricket matter at all? On the one hand, you can call Cricket a great ambassador for sports and for India itself, which gives the entire country some hope. Then again, with India being generally so shit, why the heck should one bother with these overpaid fools.

There's probably about 3-4 players in there who actually care about Cricket and not about the fat wads of money that follow. Now, I'm not saying that money is a bad thing- hell if avarice and materialism weren't my thing, I'd go work for an NGO but the fact of the matter is, there's a limit to greed- greed and lest we forget complacency. Complacency, when representing any country at any international event, must not be part of the baggage that arrives with the person(s). It's amazing though- who'd have thought that in a country of a billion people that has the richest cricket board in the world, on cannot find 11 exceptional cricket players a la Sachin Tendulkar. More than anything it's a lack of discipline, I say! Well there's my piece. Personally, I found the porno posts far more entertaining but this is a little closer to my heart.

Praise the lord for thedugout.net, CricInfo, BBC, Amazon and so many other websites. If boredom was a sport, I'd be an Olympic Medallist. I'm in at work, it's just before 10am and I am already thinking of going home. My question for today is, is money really *that* important? Am I willing to carry on selling my soul like this for a few extra quid? Unfortunately, the answer right now is yes...

Is pornography really the route to spiritual freedom? I was out last night with some workmates and that was the main topic of discussion. Porn, apparently, frees your mind. Personally, I couldn't really give a damn about that 'cos it lets me free a hell of a lot else (Isn't custard yellow? yuck...). Ok that was nasty. For those of you with sensitive dispositions, it was meant to be a joke. Christ, blogging is cool! It's the nerdiest thing in the world but it's cool and I guess I'm a nerd! *flashes his braces in a broad smile a la Bowfinger* Awesome!!!